I'm back and ornery

I have been moving, and now I will take it out on the people I love, my loyal readers. I am sure somewhere, someone is going to point out that either my anger or my sucking up to my readership is false. This is likely true. Don't think about it too much. This statement is a lie.

So after a week or so of not telling you how lame you are, it's time for me to get back into form.

STOP WHINING AT YOUR STORYTELLER. ESPECIALLY DURING GAME.

No, seriously. Yes, the storyteller is there to address all of your concerns and any side scenes you may wish to run. Yes, a good game isn't heavy handed with plot and the ST should be there to enhance your own actions. But there's a limit.

If you're just starting game for the first time, I am glad to have you there. If it takes half the session for you to finish writing it up, I am not going to go over it in the middle of game with a fine tooth comb. Get it done before curtain up or go in without stats. Any character sheet shoved in my face while I am trying to run a game will not get my Stamp of Approval. It will get my: Stamp Of Don't Give A Fuck.

If you ask whether you can use XP for something in the middle of the game, one of two things will happen. I will say "No, because you asked me in game" if I am feeling nice. Or I will say "Yeah sure, whatever" and then the next time you try and use it, I will make sure it leads to the most boring death for you possible.
"Can I have this power?
"Absolutely. Go nuts."
"I use this power. I am awesome!"
"It gives you air cancer."
"What's air cancer?"
"It's where you die if you touch air."
"That doesn't even make any sense. Cancer doesn't work that way."
"You're awfully talkative and opinionated for being dead. I should have suspected. I better give your next character extra powerful air cancer."
"I hate you."
"It's so sad when air cancer makes a person bitter. No one is going to throw a fundraising 5k marathon in your memory with THAT attitude!"

If I make an announcement at the beginning of game and you were busy yakking with your friends, that's fine. If you come up and ask me again for details on something I already told you, I will rub my ass on your cats face so that no matter which way it decides to wake you up in the morning, it will smell like ass. And trust me, my intestinal tract has worse things then Friskies in it. You will BEG for regular cat-ass.

If you ask me a question that's in the main source book, not open for interpretation, and something anyone who has read it should know, don't expect me to give you the correct answer. I don't expect you to have it memorized but any good storyteller has one handy for reference. The more obvious the question, the more angry this will make me.

"Can vampires fly?"
"Only if they eat powdered unicorn hooves."
"Really?"
"Really. It's in the book, go check it out. Or just go ask some of the other characters for some. They will be more then willing to help, and not laugh at you all."
"Awesome! I am gonna go fuck that helicopter up! Dave, do you have any powdered unicorn hooves?"

On the other hand, don't expect me to have the book memorized either.

"Alright, so the evil villain casts Death of Ages..."
"Actually, Death of ages is a necromancy spell and he just used an illusion spell earlier on me. The rules say that can't happen."
"Oh, you're right! YOU WIN! The evil wizard dies of embarrassment and you get six million dollars and a pony. Whew, good thing you read that book. WINNER! I am going to the bar now."

(Actually most games end with me saying I am going to the bar now so that was just added for authenticity.)

Or worse, correct a minor detail that nobody cares about but you.

"So, they burst the door open revealing a thousand spiders! The insects crawl towards you en masse..."
"Actually, spiders are arachnids, not insects. They have eight legs..."
*Mitchell blinks at player*
*Blinks again*
"The spiders eat your flesh alive now that you have discovered their terrible secret. If only you had kept your mouth shut. Everyone, throw his character a funeral or something, I am going to the bar now."

(See? I told you.)

The STs job is to tell a story. There's lots of tools we use to tell a story; sourcebooks, character sheets, and point systems. However, these are just that: tools. Spending more time worrying about the tools then the story gets nothing built. Using your ST as an authority is okay. Using them as an administrator is not. Getting them to help you make a character that fits in with the game world and progresses with the rest of the cast is part of their job. Doing so while they are providing the drama that it's all about is not. Every minute you take away from the Storyteller once curtain is up is a minute they could be enhancing someones story. I promise you if you've asked them twice if your character can have an obscure specialization in some Himilyan ice-cream-on-a-nunchuk martial art while he's in the middle of a scene, you're at the back of the list for story.

Great, I suppose I have to write plot now....


Mitchell

Suck It

On the official game lists, I am gracious. To my players, I am humble. But to you guys, I am honest.

I had 32 players at my last game and I feel like King Shit of Shit Mountain.

So I guess I am doing something right.

Yeah...I'm awesome. Wooooooo!

I just had to get that out somewhere.

Ooops

Anonymous comments have been turned on. Feel free to tell me how much I suck for mocking your 12 Year old asian with nuclear eyeblasts and six redhaired super model hermaphrodite significant others.

Mitchell

Try it, You'll Like It.

Hey kids, thanks for all the great feedback I have been getting so far. I'd prefer if people would do so on the blog itself, a lot of people are raising common points that I can address by expanding my viewpoints a little, and thats what a blog can be good for. Or maybe I will just tell you to shove it without any personal consequences for my actions, that's what the internet is good for!

So before I get to my new rule, I want to briefly go over a few common comments on my previous ones.

1. You seem to be against character sheets altogether, it sounds like yo're just an advocate of complete freeform play.

I'm not against character sheets being used for your character, I'm against them BEING your character. Getting to accomplish a certain action in any game is a privledge, and treating it like a right is what hurts. Having a clear cut system of comparing who does what actually makes it easier to narrate. I'm an advocate of letting the big strong guys win fights, let the smart guys figure stuff out and letting the social guys get political benefits. Character sheets help define who's who. And most importantly, a character sheet doesn't just define what you CAN do...it defines what you CAN'T do.

2. There's nothing I hate more then playing {insert one of the Six Character Theory Roles} so I don't like your theory, because some of these roles suck to play.

I'm certainly not an advocate of forcing people into the roles. What I really would like to see is people who are playing these roles unconsciously start to play them consciously, and if they don't like the role they are in, switch to another one by design instead of fighting with why they're not having fun. No one likes to be FORCED to be the Nevish, but it's a fun alternative to failing at the Hero as long as you're trying to play the Nevish. Oh and by the way, playing a Nevish is awesome and if you haven't done it before I recommend it.

3. If I only play what I look like, I feel very restricted. I wouldn't cast myself in much.

There's lots of concepts out there for people who look like regular people, in fact in my opinion those are some of the best ones because those stories are human. Think about your characters themes and goals, and think of the appearence after. If you want to be a an aggressive, curb stomping goon, do you HAVE to be seven feet tall to boot? If you want to play carefree, innocent and immature, do you HAVE to be 12 years old? My point is your concept is likely good without the "interesting look", and if it ISN'T that character needs more depth anyway.

Actually, that last section leads into my rule this week. I've been feeling a little finger pointy and all problems, no solutions for these posts so this one is going to be a bit more helpful. Don't worry, we'll get back to your regularly schedule whining and ranting and making you feel like a lame cheeto-sucking neckbeard soon enough.

It is possible to have an excellent time playing any game, with any ST, with any set of players. There's a secret to it, passed down throughout the ages by Indonesian Monks from LARPer to LARPer.

That secret is merely this: Ask yourself, what you as a person are getting out of playing your character.

You are an actor with their choice of roles, what do you pick? I could get into the psychoanlysis of the patterns people create in their series of characters ("Hmmm...he has another character who has an gigantic sword...") but I'll keep it simple. Think about what you're going through in your life, and how LARPing is going to make that better. A little honesty and self-analysis is your BEST friend in LARP.

I realized this when I was going through a fairly rough time in my life. I felt as if I had no one to lean on, and that no one would really understand my concerns. I felt a burden on those around me. I made an incredibly morose character, with the intention of making it comedic in it's absurdity. I didn't realize the self parody I was creating. BY diving into a character with all the negative emotions I was feeling, I got alot of the emotional baggage out the door. I also realized how people reacted to my actions in a socially safe environment, and was surprised that no matter how extreme I made my in character suffering, the reactions of the characters drew very close parallels to my own non-extreme life. I realized how my actions and feelings were effecting those around me, and armed with the strength of catharsis, strived to have a more positive outlook.

LARP can heal. You just have to let it.

If you're bad at something and want to change, you have two options...make a character who is even worse then you are and train a desire into your own mind to change. Or, make someone who is good at it and actively seek out situations where you must be in that situation until you until you get better.

If you want to go and have a good time and a few laughs, don't make a dead serious killing machine. If you want attention and big dramatic monologues, don't make some one who is calm, cool, and collected. If you want to go and feel like a bad ass who everyone fears with no consequences for his actions, go home and play Grand Theft Auto, us LARPers have stories to tell. Just kidding, that's my bias and bile coming out. Hey, I lasted three paragraphs!

Just remember: Every character begins and ends with what YOU want out of the game. The more thought you put into that, the easier it will be for you to get it. So, here's Mitchell's rules in their entirety, just so I can continue to drill these things into people's heads. These have been edited a bit lately for clarity.

1. Every time you whip your character sheet out to get your way, you become a douchebag with the mentality of a seven year old.
2. Not everyone can be the Hero, and not being the Hero is usually more fun anyway.
3. Don't cast yourself in a role you couldn't cast yourself in, in an objective fashion. Don't make people have to use their imaginations to interact with you instead of your own creativity.
4. If you want your character to grow and learn, it will be best if you grow and learn with them.

And with that I am off, dreaming of playing a character that can move into an apartment in under an hour....

Mitchell

Cast Yourself

This is the first one that's gonna really hurt, because this is a lesson we have all either learned or will someday learn. I may be violating some sort of "old cranky gamer code" here, or maybe I'm just putting things into more rambly words.

You're just not that pretty, snowflake.

This goes back to what has now been dubbed Mitchell's Law #1 (by me, right now, but who's keeping track?) of "Whenever You Bring Out Your Character Sheet, You Become a Douchebag." Putting on a little sticky note that tells me how pretty you are doesn't change that rule. Neither does telling me how scary you are, or that you're a 12 year old girl. I once knew a 6 foot tall player who had a pin saying "I am a 4 foot Asian man."

I know these are all holdovers from tabletop gaming, and half the fun of gaming is being something else. I have no problem with escapism. But once you decide "Yes, I want to LARP, because there are girls/some what attractive boys there and my Gamemaster became addicted to WoW and has put on sixty pounds and has made the whole gaming thing kind of sad but hey this is different" then there has to be an acceptance of the level of theatre involved. I'm not saying go out there and play yourself. That defeats the point and there's people who do it that are equally annoying.

What I am saying is try not to write yourself a role that an objective director wouldn't cast you in. So if you think you'd like to play a 12 year old child and you have grey hair and a beer belly, think for a minute. When someone sees your little pin with your brilliant idea, and sees you with your stubble and sideburns, and they have to treat you differently then what they see, is their gaming experience going to be enhanced, or strained? People should be using their imagination on their own characters, not for having the most basic interactions with yours.

We all have to suspend a lot of disbelief in order to LARP. We're not Vampires, mighty woodland warriors or who knows what else we want to pretend to be. We're also not the Esoteric Concept of the Colour Orange, The Flying Spaghetti Monster or Three Thousand Candy Wrappers With Feet. The less you make the other players stretch their belief, the more they can focus on being more authentic in their role, and thus, here's the kicker...make the game better for YOU.

This gets into the touchy issue of "Looks." Many games have written in stats to tell you how beautiful our character is. And for many people, the very thought of telling someone that they are indeed, not a supermodel, is tantamount to calling them Quasimodo With B.O and Severe Facial Herpes. That's why this continues to happen, people either won't say anything or if they do it's taken personally. There are alot of very attractive people in LARP. There are very few awe inspiring ones on looks alone. I don't mind people using these traits or abilities or stats. What I mind is people broadcasting to the world how I as a player should treat their character and thus denying me the roleplay opportunity of finding out myself in character.

Here's my frame of mind: I know some models. There is a certain way that beautiful people carry themselves especially if they have been beautiful their whole life. And it has nothing to do with how they ACTUALLY LOOK. I know this because they have friends who even they will acknowledge are more physically attractive then other people in their field, but do not get treated that way. If you are going to PLAY hot, then all you really need to do is ACT hot. You don't need to broadcast it. And if you're not acting it, no one is going to treat you that way anyway, at least not in the way you were hoping when you spent those precious XP. Ask yourself if this is really how your character thinks and acts, or is this just something you'd like people to treat you like for once?

So Mitchell's Law #2: Don't cast yourself in a role you couldn't cast yourself in as an outside observer. No one should have to use their own creativity to interact with you instead of your own.

But don't worry. I think you're all beautiful. But if you come up to tell me to treat you like you're beautiful, I will. However, I'll react the same way I do around all beautiful people.

I'll run away in fear and hang out with my ugly friends.

M