I'm back and ornery

I have been moving, and now I will take it out on the people I love, my loyal readers. I am sure somewhere, someone is going to point out that either my anger or my sucking up to my readership is false. This is likely true. Don't think about it too much. This statement is a lie.

So after a week or so of not telling you how lame you are, it's time for me to get back into form.

STOP WHINING AT YOUR STORYTELLER. ESPECIALLY DURING GAME.

No, seriously. Yes, the storyteller is there to address all of your concerns and any side scenes you may wish to run. Yes, a good game isn't heavy handed with plot and the ST should be there to enhance your own actions. But there's a limit.

If you're just starting game for the first time, I am glad to have you there. If it takes half the session for you to finish writing it up, I am not going to go over it in the middle of game with a fine tooth comb. Get it done before curtain up or go in without stats. Any character sheet shoved in my face while I am trying to run a game will not get my Stamp of Approval. It will get my: Stamp Of Don't Give A Fuck.

If you ask whether you can use XP for something in the middle of the game, one of two things will happen. I will say "No, because you asked me in game" if I am feeling nice. Or I will say "Yeah sure, whatever" and then the next time you try and use it, I will make sure it leads to the most boring death for you possible.
"Can I have this power?
"Absolutely. Go nuts."
"I use this power. I am awesome!"
"It gives you air cancer."
"What's air cancer?"
"It's where you die if you touch air."
"That doesn't even make any sense. Cancer doesn't work that way."
"You're awfully talkative and opinionated for being dead. I should have suspected. I better give your next character extra powerful air cancer."
"I hate you."
"It's so sad when air cancer makes a person bitter. No one is going to throw a fundraising 5k marathon in your memory with THAT attitude!"

If I make an announcement at the beginning of game and you were busy yakking with your friends, that's fine. If you come up and ask me again for details on something I already told you, I will rub my ass on your cats face so that no matter which way it decides to wake you up in the morning, it will smell like ass. And trust me, my intestinal tract has worse things then Friskies in it. You will BEG for regular cat-ass.

If you ask me a question that's in the main source book, not open for interpretation, and something anyone who has read it should know, don't expect me to give you the correct answer. I don't expect you to have it memorized but any good storyteller has one handy for reference. The more obvious the question, the more angry this will make me.

"Can vampires fly?"
"Only if they eat powdered unicorn hooves."
"Really?"
"Really. It's in the book, go check it out. Or just go ask some of the other characters for some. They will be more then willing to help, and not laugh at you all."
"Awesome! I am gonna go fuck that helicopter up! Dave, do you have any powdered unicorn hooves?"

On the other hand, don't expect me to have the book memorized either.

"Alright, so the evil villain casts Death of Ages..."
"Actually, Death of ages is a necromancy spell and he just used an illusion spell earlier on me. The rules say that can't happen."
"Oh, you're right! YOU WIN! The evil wizard dies of embarrassment and you get six million dollars and a pony. Whew, good thing you read that book. WINNER! I am going to the bar now."

(Actually most games end with me saying I am going to the bar now so that was just added for authenticity.)

Or worse, correct a minor detail that nobody cares about but you.

"So, they burst the door open revealing a thousand spiders! The insects crawl towards you en masse..."
"Actually, spiders are arachnids, not insects. They have eight legs..."
*Mitchell blinks at player*
*Blinks again*
"The spiders eat your flesh alive now that you have discovered their terrible secret. If only you had kept your mouth shut. Everyone, throw his character a funeral or something, I am going to the bar now."

(See? I told you.)

The STs job is to tell a story. There's lots of tools we use to tell a story; sourcebooks, character sheets, and point systems. However, these are just that: tools. Spending more time worrying about the tools then the story gets nothing built. Using your ST as an authority is okay. Using them as an administrator is not. Getting them to help you make a character that fits in with the game world and progresses with the rest of the cast is part of their job. Doing so while they are providing the drama that it's all about is not. Every minute you take away from the Storyteller once curtain is up is a minute they could be enhancing someones story. I promise you if you've asked them twice if your character can have an obscure specialization in some Himilyan ice-cream-on-a-nunchuk martial art while he's in the middle of a scene, you're at the back of the list for story.

Great, I suppose I have to write plot now....


Mitchell